unapologetic apologies

If you are in my life, I’m sorry.

You will probably be uncomfortable at some point. I’m sorry, but I am most likely going to hug you. A lot. Why? Because physical touch is something we have lost on the way from here to now. Touch is our reminder that we are still here, still breathing, still thriving. It lets us know everything is okay, everything will be okay.

If you are in my life, I’m sorry.

At some point you will probably be stomach sick of my positivity, optimism, and raw happiness. It might seem unfamiliar to you, but I wear all the facets of human existence on my sleeves and my face. I have no way of hiding it, I’m sorry. My happiness is a conscious choice, it is a contagious choice. The glass can always be half  full depending on which angle you view from.

If you are in my life, I’m sorry.

I will probably make you angry because I am going to push you out of the space you feel safe in. Please know my intentions are not to hurt you, they are to help you grow. I care about making you stronger; I want to see you succeed. I have invested in you, and I am fiercely committed to pushing you to be better. I will always hold you accountable. No matter what.

If you are in my life, I’m sorry.

Whether it’s a year, a month, or even a few minutes, I will cherish my time with you. I want to learn from you because I know our time together is limited and you have a plethora of experiences, knowledge, and stories to tell. I want to know all of it. Share this time with me, and understand my pain when we go too long apart. You add the brightness, hues, and saturation to my life.

If you are in my life, I’m sorry.

At some point you will be subjected to the silliness and goofiness that is me. Dancing is a way of life. Stupid jokes are the catharsis of smile and laughter. Pranks are my breath of fresh air. I struggle to walk the line between professional and playful and you will probably shake your head and cover your face but i. can’t. stop. This life can’t be taken too seriously. We only have this moment together, why not be unapologetically fun. Unapologetically us.

If you are in my life, I’m sorry.

I want to give you the world. I want to take you out to lunch and make you cards and cook for you. I want to give things to you, thoughtful things. And no, I don’t expect anything in return and no I don’t want you to pay me back. My world is not a system of checks and balances nor I versus you. It is we. This is how I connect us back together.

If you are in my life, I’m sorry.

I am going to love you. You may not be related to me, you may have just met me, but already, I love you. Let me shower you with love and affection because we live in a time where we can’t express this love for fear of being perceived as “weak” or “emotional”. I digress. You hold a special place in my heart and in my life and I love you for occupying it and bringing all your different colors and sounds and pictures. You need to know you set my world ablaze.

Breathe

Breathe. Just breathe in this fresh air and breathe out worry, fear, uncertainty, and stress.

Breathe out the desire to belong. You are here and you are valuable. You are needed.

Breath out your insecurities. To love others fully you must love yourself first.

Breath out imperfection. I will always give my greatest effort and that will always be enough.

Break down the walls you have built up to adapt to unfamiliar surroundings. Build up your most authentic you-for this is how the most meaningful relationships begin.

Breathe out excessive worry. This life is short. Be present to engage in all it has to offer each and every day.

Breathe out disapproval. Do the things you love most because they bring you joy. Do things for you and no one else.

Breathe out fear. Your ideas and your talents are far too valuable to be bound by the chains of insecurity.

Breathe in love, acceptance, and life.

Breathe in you.

Just breathe.